its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
