Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
