You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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