I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize