Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
