she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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