someone get that fucking seahorse.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
