I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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