Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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