I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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