ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
