she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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