If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
