I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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