last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
