i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
