whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
