if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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