Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
