Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
