i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
