I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
