I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
