Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
