well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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