Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
