Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.