I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
