Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
