so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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