I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
