I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Randomize
