Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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