My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
