She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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