I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The beer is more important than you right now.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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