Where did you get a picture of my penis
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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