We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had to cum in my sink.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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