you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
