Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
