Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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