Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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