addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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