i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
