Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
