It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
