No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
