just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
