help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
