bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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