Your face is a jimmy john
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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