Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
