Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
