what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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