6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
