I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
