to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you have to choose: penises or morals?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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