As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
