Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
