too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Come on in and take your pants off
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