she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
