lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
