someone threw a dead crab at me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
