WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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