she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
