Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
