It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
