What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
